TV IS MY IV

Dwayne Johnson, who I believe is no longer obligated to be called The Rock, hosted tonight’s show in anticipation of Race to Witch Mountain (witch looks awesome!)

Here are the skits and five people’s opinions of them:

COLD OPEN – The Secretary of Treasury talks about the failure of our economy.  $420 billion goes to the individual that can solve the banking crisis problem.

1. Chris – “Can I fast forward this skit?”
2. Venessa (who laughed at insurance companies insuring houses that are on fire comment, for some reason) – “She thinks Tracey Jordan’s theory from 30 Rock works – Panic!”
3. Richie – “Not funny.”
4. Jess – No comment.  Kept getting up to check on her microwaved Chinese food.
5. Sean – “I laughed… enough.”

OPENING MONOLOGUE

1. Chris – “Really?  This is his third time?”
2. Jess – “He looks too skinny.”
3. Venessa – “Yeah, it makes his head looks to big.”
4. Richie – “His neck’s still huge, though.  And what’s with that tattoo?”
5. Sean – “Yay!  Abby Elliott!  And who’s that chick on the far left?”

MACGRUBER (Part 1)

1. Venessa – “Yes, MacGyver!”
2. Jess – (possibly passed out)
3. Richie – “He’s from Detroit.”
4. Chris – “Fast forward through the commercials.”
5. Sean – “Yay! Abby Elliott!”

PRESIDENT OBAMA “GET ANGRY”

1. Venessa – “The Rock Hulk!” (she enjoyed it the most)
2. Jess laughed (she did not pass out) – “He looks like a vampire.”
3. Chris – “Is.  Barack Obama.  That easy.  Of an.  Impression.  To do.”
4. Richie laughed throughout, but not continuously
5. Sean – “Wiig Counter: 3”

MACGRUBER (Part 2)

1. Venessa – “Look how hideous he is.”  (in reference to Richard Dean Anderson)
2. Chris – “It’s okay.”
3. Jess is fading out
4. Richie – “It was kind of funny… the whole daddy’s issue thing.”
5. Sean – “Yay! Abby!  Wiig Counter: 4”

ACTIVIA WITH JAMIE LEE CURTIS

1. Chris – “I love Kristen Wiig.”
2. Venessa – “She’d shit all day.” (in reference to coffee, cigarettes, and Activia intake mentioned by Abby)
3. Venessa (laughing) – “Take Number 2.”
4. Richie laughed at the yawning/pooping reference
5. Sean – “Jess passed out.”

HAWAIIAN SKIT

1. Chris – “He looks really thin there.”  (in reference to Brian Moynahan this time)
2. Venessa – “Sean’s blogging and not drinking his forty.”
3. Sean – “I’m doing both.”
4. Richie laughed at the “I got lei-d” comment.  Venessa – “Not funny.”
5. Chris – “Is she (Abby) going to be in every skit?”
6. Venessa – “I hope so.”
7. Sean drank his forty

MACGRUBER (Part 3)

1. His dad’s a friggin’ butthole line in the song made everyone laugh.
2. Sean drank his forty.
3. Venessa – “Can they show butts on TV?”
4. Sean – “They showed his butt a couple weeks ago.”

RAY LAMONTAGNE SINGS

1. Venessa – “Have I heard of this guy?”
2. Sean – “He’s on the River.”
3. Venessa – “Grrr… satellite radio!  I loved the River!”
4. Chris wanted to fast-forward, but Richie and Venessa wanted to keep watching, so we did

WEEKEND UPDATE

1. Venessa – “That’s so true.” (in reference to AIG building a $15 billion toilet to flush $15 billion down it)
2. Sean – “That’s just like the Cartman swearing bit in the South Parkmovie.” (re: zapper on the RNC spokesman Michael Steele’s head, at 1:15 mark)
3. Richie and Venessa really enjoyed “Cathy” bit… Jess and Chris chimed in when Justin Timberlake appeared
4. Sean – “I didn’t even know Cathy was married in the comics.”
5. Sean – “Was that Jessica Biel playing Jessica Rabbit?”
6. Richie and Venessa liked D.O.A./Denny’s joke and burning green Escorts jokes… a lot, as well as Bon Jovi opposite band: Jon Bovi (they sing “Alive and Dead,” for example)
7. Richie – “Jon Bovi was the best thing yet.”

GAME TIME WITH DAVE AND GREG

1. Venessa  – “He’s an alien all right!” (in reference to Greg speaking funny)
2. Laughs were shared by all.
3. Sean drank his forty.
4. Venessa – “That’s true!” (when a caller said Greg didn’t age in his pictures)
5. Sean – “That was pretty good.”
6. Venessa – “That was stupid.”

DONALD TRUMP/CELEBRITY APPRENTICE NBC COMMERCIAL

1. Venessa pointed at Sean in reference to Trump saying he hit high marks in the 35 douchebag demo
2. Sean – “I haven’t watched it… yet.”
3. Sean – “Who’s Fred Armison supposed to be?”
4. Venessa – “I don’t know.”

RAY LAMONTAGNE SINGS AGAIN

1. Venessa – “I liked him so much I’ll watch him again.”
2. Richie – “He has a very unique voice.”
3. Sean – “I gotta pee real quick.”
4. Chris has officially passed out… snoring
5. Richie – “What time does the time change?”
6. Venessa – “2am.”
7. Jess (stirring) – “That sucks.”

LIGHTHOUSE OPERATORS

1. Venessa enjoyed the splashing water on the shipwrecked victims
2. Venessa also predicted the Clapper being installed in the lighthouse
3. Sean – “Wiig Counter: I lost count.”
4. Chris snored more.
5. Sean – “I can’t believe they referenced a BJ.”