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SNL Real-Time Review – Five Voices, One Rock

Posted in Humor, NBC with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2009 by tvismyiv

Dwayne Johnson, who I believe is no longer obligated to be called The Rock, hosted tonight’s show in anticipation of Race to Witch Mountain (witch looks awesome!)

Here are the skits and five people’s opinions of them:

COLD OPEN – The Secretary of Treasury talks about the failure of our economy.  $420 billion goes to the individual that can solve the banking crisis problem.

  1. Chris – “Can I fast forward this skit?”
  2. Venessa (who laughed at insurance companies insuring houses that are on fire comment, for some reason) – “She thinks Tracey Jordan’s theory from 30 Rock works – Panic!”
  3. Richie – “Not funny.”
  4. Jess – No comment.  Kept getting up to check on her microwaved Chinese food.
  5. Sean – “I laughed… enough.”

OPENING MONOLOGUE

  1. Chris – “Really?  This is his third time?”
  2. Jess – “He looks too skinny.”
  3. Venessa – “Yeah, it makes his head looks to big.”
  4. Richie – “His neck’s still huge, though.  And what’s with that tattoo?”
  5. Sean – “Yay!  Abby Elliott!  And who’s that chick on the far left?”

MACGRUBER (Part 1)

  1. Venessa – “Yes, MacGyver!”
  2. Jess – (possibly passed out)
  3. Richie – “He’s from Detroit.”
  4. Chris – “Fast forward through the commercials.”
  5. Sean – “Yay! Abby Elliott!”

PRESIDENT OBAMA “GET ANGRY”

  1. Venessa – “The Rock Hulk!” (she enjoyed it the most)
  2. Jess laughed (she did not pass out) – “He looks like a vampire.”
  3. Chris – “Is.  Barack Obama.  That easy.  Of an.  Impression.  To do.”
  4. Richie laughed throughout, but not continuously
  5. Sean – “Wiig Counter: 3”

MACGRUBER (Part 2)

  1. Venessa – “Look how hideous he is.”  (in reference to Richard Dean Anderson)
  2. Chris – “It’s okay.”
  3. Jess is fading out
  4. Richie – “It was kind of funny… the whole daddy’s issue thing.”
  5. Sean – “Yay! Abby!  Wiig Counter: 4”

ACTIVIA WITH JAMIE LEE CURTIS

  1. Chris – “I love Kristen Wiig.”
  2. Venessa – “She’d shit all day.” (in reference to coffee, cigarettes, and Activia intake mentioned by Abby)
  3. Venessa (laughing) – “Take Number 2.”
  4. Richie laughed at the yawning/pooping reference
  5. Sean – “Jess passed out.”

HAWAIIAN SKIT

  1. Chris – “He looks really thin there.”  (in reference to Brian Moynahan this time)
  2. Venessa – “Sean’s blogging and not drinking his forty.”
  3. Sean – “I’m doing both.”
  4. Richie laughed at the “I got lei-d” comment.  Venessa – “Not funny.”
  5. Chris – “Is she (Abby) going to be in every skit?”
  6. Venessa – “I hope so.”
  7. Sean drank his forty

MACGRUBER (Part 3)

  1. His dad’s a friggin’ butthole line in the song made everyone laugh.
  2. Sean drank his forty.
  3. Venessa – “Can they show butts on TV?”
  4. Sean – “They showed his butt a couple weeks ago.”

RAY LAMONTAGNE SINGS

  1. Venessa – “Have I heard of this guy?”
  2. Sean – “He’s on the River.”
  3. Venessa – “Grrr… satellite radio!  I loved the River!”
  4. Chris wanted to fast-forward, but Richie and Venessa wanted to keep watching, so we did

WEEKEND UPDATE

  1. Venessa – “That’s so true.” (in reference to AIG building a $15 billion toilet to flush $15 billion down it)
  2. Sean – “That’s just like the Cartman swearing bit in the South Parkmovie.” (re: zapper on the RNC spokesman Michael Steele’s head, at 1:15 mark)
  3. Richie and Venessa really enjoyed “Cathy” bit… Jess and Chris chimed in when Justin Timberlake appeared
  4. Sean – “I didn’t even know Cathy was married in the comics.”
  5. Sean – “Was that Jessica Biel playing Jessica Rabbit?”
  6. Richie and Venessa liked D.O.A./Denny’s joke and burning green Escorts jokes… a lot, as well as Bon Jovi opposite band: Jon Bovi (they sing “Alive and Dead,” for example)
  7. Richie – “Jon Bovi was the best thing yet.”

GAME TIME WITH DAVE AND GREG

  1. Venessa  – “He’s an alien all right!” (in reference to Greg speaking funny)
  2. Laughs were shared by all.
  3. Sean drank his forty.
  4. Venessa – “That’s true!” (when a caller said Greg didn’t age in his pictures)
  5. Sean – “That was pretty good.”
  6. Venessa – “That was stupid.”

DONALD TRUMP/CELEBRITY APPRENTICE NBC COMMERCIAL

  1. Venessa pointed at Sean in reference to Trump saying he hit high marks in the 35 douchebag demo
  2. Sean – “I haven’t watched it… yet.”
  3. Sean – “Who’s Fred Armison supposed to be?”
  4. Venessa – “I don’t know.”

RAY LAMONTAGNE SINGS AGAIN

  1. Venessa – “I liked him so much I’ll watch him again.”
  2. Richie – “He has a very unique voice.”
  3. Sean – “I gotta pee real quick.”
  4. Chris has officially passed out… snoring
  5. Richie – “What time does the time change?”
  6. Venessa – “2am.”
  7. Jess (stirring) – “That sucks.”

LIGHTHOUSE OPERATORS

  1. Venessa enjoyed the splashing water on the shipwrecked victims
  2. Venessa also predicted the Clapper being installed in the lighthouse
  3. Sean – “Wiig Counter: I lost count.”
  4. Chris snored more.
  5. Sean – “I can’t believe they referenced a BJ.”
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Friday’s TV Picks

Posted in ABC, CBS, Film, FOX, Humor, MyNetwork, NBC, The CW, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 28, 2008 by sgottahurt

8pmThe Incredibles is on NBC, so it’s an easy choice, even though they cut out all the sex and nudity for broadcast tv, which is what made it so awesome.  What?  Oh, I’m thinking of The Inbedibles.  As they say in Canada, “Sorry!”  (Emphasis on the “o.”)

9pm – What are you still reading for?  There’s nothing else worth watching except The Incredibles!  Anyone that might enjoy the subtle homoeroticism of WWE Friday Night SmackDown on MyNetwork might be dazzled by the gayness that is The Polar Express on ABC, so there’s a conundrum for those folks at 8pm.  But if you like Chris Rock (The CW), Jack Black (Fox), or Jennifer Love Hewitt’s tits (CBS), your path has already been chosen.  There is no swaying you.

10:30pm – After The Incredibles, you can stay tuned and catch the second half of The Office’s season opener (which is a standalone episode), or if you’re a Hollywood whackjob like Madonna or (let’s be honest) Angelina Jolie, you can flip over to ABC and watch the second half of 20/20 – it’s about adopting foreign babies.  If you can’t stick foreign objects in places they don’t belong, why bother?

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time...

Monday’s TV Anti-Picks

Posted in Humor, MyNetwork, NBC, The CW, TV, USA Network with tags , , , , , , , , on November 17, 2008 by sgottahurt

Since the normal guy that writes these picks isn’t doing his share, I’m going to select the absolute worst decisions to occupy your time between Jeopardy and your local evening news.

8pm – MyNetwork TV is airing a pair of reruns of the most recent remake of The Twilight Zone.  The first episode, “Tagged,” is basically like Heroes’ arc about Isaac the Painter.  An artist paints a portrait of his own demise… Oooh, scary!  The second one could be a Heroes storyline. too, which leads us perfectly into…

9pm – You thought I was going to put Heroes, but there’s something actually worse – One Tree Hill.  I didn’t even know that show was still on, to be honest.  Check it out on the CW.

10pm – I wanted to go with the series singing its swan song – My Own Worst Enemy, but I’d rather suggest watching WWE Monday Night RAW on the USA Network.  It starts at 9, so if you tune in an hour late, you’ll be totally lost!

NOTE: If you are a fan of any of these shows, my deepest condolences.  It must be hard having your mother still feed and bathe you.